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Dec 26

Progressives’ New Year Resolution: To Increase Revenue


Progressives’ New Year Resolution: To Increase Revenue

By J. A. Gedra

A frequent problem at Thanksgiving and Christmas meals is a lack of coordination between our eyes and stomachs. All too often, our eyes tell us to bite off more than we can chew; let alone, fit within the constraints of our stomachs. In the end, we are left nauseous and overweight; asking ourselves, how we ended up here again, after promising that we would never eat so much in the previous year?

The same process also occurs every time state governments meet to develop a budget. Just as children in Christmas stories have dreams of sugar plum fairies dancing through their heads, progressive politicians fantasize about providing ever increasing amounts of money and services to their close personal friends through government projects. The eyes of progressive politicians glisten as they view their favorite pet projects, which demand more money than is present in the government purse. Alas, their glee is dimmed as they realize that their years of wasteful spending have led to the government coffers being as bare as Mother Hubbard’s cupboard. Their reckless spending sprees have resulted in massive governmental debt. The end result is an off kilter budget, where more money is owed than is held by the government.

Such an unharmonious budget cannot stand; for it is required by law in many states that the budget must return to a balanced state. Mercifully, a return to homeostasis is a relatively simple process. Anyone who has ever made a budget knows that there are two ways to balance a budget. Expenses can be cut or extra revenue may be brought in. In other words, a person needs to decrease their spending or generate additional money.

The first option, asking progressives to cut spending, is a waste of time, because they cannot part with one of their precious projects. Every single government program is viewed in their eyes as the most important program to ever exist. Putting aside the grammatical and logical error held by many progressives that there can be more than one most important government project, it is impossible to talk to progressives about a single cut because they believe that a decrease of one cent will result in the death of billions of kittens and starving of zillions of illiterate children. Like Gollum in Lord of the Rings, they will hold onto their “precious” project, even if it means the destruction of everything else around them.

Since progressives are unable to find any way to decrease spending, they are left with only one way to balance the budget, an increase in revenue. In other words, the budget will be balanced by the government bringing in more money. But where will they find this money? The government does not make anything, like shoes, televisions, or cars, so they cannot sell goods to bring in the cash. Being unable to earn money, the government is left with only one option; they can take money from others that do create products that people are willing to purchase. The government can go up to people that create wealth and demand money. If a citizen refuses, they will use force and even jail those that would question them. This might sound barbaric, therefore more gentle words are used, so as to not offend the delicacies of others: such as, taxes and fees.

When progressive politicians realize that they must balance the budget, they increase revenue, which means they increase the amount of money the government takes from everyday people who are working hard to earn a living. They redistribute money from people that they do not like and return money to the people they do like through government spending. To be fair, progressive politicians might not be trying to take all of your money; rather, they might be similar to the Dos Equis spokesman, the Most Interesting Man in the World. Progressive politicians do not always increase taxes, but when they need to balance the budget, they increase revenue. Stay balanced my friends.
most interesting man revenue increase

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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