Mar 06

Share the Love

Share the Love


By Claude de Vane


Once again, we have celebrated Valentine’s Day, a holiday where we show how we care for the one we love. This year, while out with my lovely wife at a romantic Italian restaurant, I will admit that even I was caught up by the romance in the air. Everything was perfect. Italian operettas were wafting through the air, the room was candle lit, and the most beautiful woman in existence was sitting at my table. Romance was everywhere; if I had went out into the alley next to the restaurant I am confident that I would have seen two dogs sharing a dish of spaghetti.


After such a lovely evening, everything seemed right in the world. At least I thought so, until I checked my Facebook New Feed and Twitter account. What was trending was not love, but hate, lots and lots of hate. Many lonely people had taken to the twitterverse to voice their displeasure and overall angst. Apparently, having a holiday point out that you are alone, because no one loves you, is not appreciated by everyone.

This outpouring of outrage towards Valentine’s Day bothered me greatly, because I have been blessed with my wonderful wife and now felt guilty. It was not fair that I had so much love in my life, while others had so little. Such a disparity did not seem right. Why should I be blessed with hugs, kisses, and other “pleasurable activities” every night, while others are all alone, separated from all human contact and compassion?


Something should be done about this inequality of love. For too long, handsome, charming, and mildly vain people like me have been showered with love, while others have had none. While in college, I would leave one relationship only to go into another, sometimes for one night, other times for longer, but the whole time, I felt loved and appreciated by many of the fairer sex. In comparison, I have recently discovered that many people would go months and sometimes even years without even going on a date. To my disgust and horror, I have even heard that there are women in their 30s who have never received flowers as a gift in their whole entire life.


After hearing about these romantic atrocities, I have decided to take a stand. No more will I sit idly by in a loving relationship with my hot wife, while others suffer in loneliness. It is time to share the love. Love needs to be redistributed. The top 1% of hot people, like me, need to stop being so selfish. For this reason, I will no longer spend every night with my wife. It is not fair that she should be the only one to benefit from my love. In order to be just, my weekends will now involve me redistributing my love away from the top 1% of happy women, which my wife is a member, to the other 99% of women that are less satisfied with their current relationship or alone.


I know what some of you will say about my plan to redistribute the love away from my wife and towards other women. Some will claim that she earned my love by working hard to stay beautiful, cooking dinner every night, keeping the house clean, and giving birth to our seven children. Others will argue that single people are lazy and that they need to work for a relationship, instead of waiting for someone to come along and bail them out.


In my mind, social justice demands that we take love away from those who enjoy so much of it, while others do not have enough. We should not give all of our love to one person; there is a limit to how much love a person should have in their life. If we are justified in demanding that money should be taken away from the rich and redistributed to the poor, are we not justified in taking love away from those who are really happy and redistributing it to those who are alone? Some people are happy every day in their marriage, while others have never been married. How is that fair? Would it not be more just to have a really handsome man like me in relationships with six other women, each one enjoying me one night a week; instead of the current arrangement, where my wife selfishly hoards me away from others every night?


As a society, we need to move beyond are selfish concepts of ownership. It is neither fair that 1% of the population holds so much money nor just that 1% of the population is in such a loving relationship. We need to move to the more enlightened view of redistributing money and love. We should distribute not based on merit, but based on need. Many women are in need, and it is only right that I satisfy their desires for the greater good of society.


As of this moment, I have not informed my wife of my new calling to personally redistribute love throughout society, but I am sure she will understand. After all, it is only fair.



1 comment

  1. Tim

    You are wrong, study economics, because you are not good enough does not constitute your socialistic beliefs to pull the rest of us down while you still do not advance.

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