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Jul 14

14th Issue New Voice For Politics

14th Issue New Voice For Politics

In this Issue

There Should Be a Law Against That! Should laws prevent people from acting like idiots?

We Are All Going to Die and This Time I Mean It  Experts predict we are all going to die again.

My Employer Needs to Pay for My Bikram Yoga It is time for my company to make amends for their sins.

 

There Should Be a Law Against That!

by J. A. Gedra

When the weather is nice, the pestilence returns annually to the Eastern Suburbs of Louisville Kentucky. They clog up the roads and increase the likelihood of accidents. Droves descend upon cars asking for money. When the traffic starts, they do not even get out of the road, drivers have to swerve to avoid them. Many erroneously believe that panhandling and walking down the middle of the street is a crime, but apparently it is only a crime if the panhandler keeps the money. If instead of being a homeless man, they are a rich woman wearing a pink tutu; it is legal to panhandle in the street as long as they give the money away. Every time drivers veer into other lanes to avoid theses human safety cones, they curse at this pestilence and yell, “There should be a law against this!”

There should be a law against this is a frequent cry of those who are fed up with those around them acting in a stupid, obnoxious, and reckless manner (i.e. like a moron). Many people believe writing a new law to mitigate each new annoyance makes sense; after all, we do not wish to have someone blasting their boom box on the bus, bankers failing to inform us of key criteria in a loan, people walking down the street with their shoes untied, or people taking pictures of themselves petting a tiger in New York. But where is the line drawn? When is enough, enough?

There are those who believe if a law helps one person, it is a good law, but this is a shortsighted way to view laws, because the law that helps one person will often hurt many more than it benefits. For example, many are appalled to discover that every year children are hurt playing middle and high school football. A few have concussions, others break a leg, and some simply have their feelings hurt. In the past, children were told to walk it off or rub some dirt on it, but others believe it is high time to embrace a new bill in the California Legislature banning physical contact in practice. Some even believe the bill should go further and ban all violent acts; after all, can our children be truly safe at school when they are viciously slapping each other’s hands in brutal games of patty cake? Without doubt, the bill in California takes away some risk of children being harmed, but it also takes away their opportunity to play the actual sport of football.

People should be careful with what they wish for. Being able to stop someone from acting in a way that bothers them can seem great, but when the tables are turned, things are not so great. For example, if a person enjoys drinking alcohol or large cups of Coke, speaking their mind, cheering for the Washington Redskins football team, or worshiping in a church of their choice, they better watch out. Others disapprove of these actions and are saying there should be a law against that.

there should be a law

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Are All Going to Die and This Time I Mean It!

by Mary Cooper

We are all going to die a horrible death! The end is near; bird flu will kill us all, a super strain of bacteria resistant to all antibiotics is about to strike, an asteroid will collide with the Earth in 2009 and kill us all. This is what we are told over and over again in the news, but none of these predicted events have occurred. Throughout time, people have repeatedly predicted that we were all going to die, yet we are still here.

Panic is always over rated and needless. One of the best examples of overhyped panic is peak oil. Even today, many people are afraid that we are running out of oil and will soon have to return to a pre-industrial agrarian society, which will of course lead to the deaths of billions. These fear mongers claim we have reached peak oil production and are currently running out, but history demonstrates over and over again that these fears are absurd. Going back to the 1920s, the United States government was afraid that we were going to run out of oil in the few decades. This fear led people to search for and discover significantly larger supplies of oil than we had ever imagined in the United States and other countries. During the 1970s oil embargo, talk of running out of oil returned, only to dissipate again after other supplies of oil and more efficient cars decreased the use of gas in the average automobile. Despite the fact that oil continues to be discovered, people continue to spread fear of running out, as seen in this melodramatic 2011 academic paper entitled “Peak Oil and the Fate of Humanity.”

Without doubt, there is a finite amount of oil on the Earth, but doomsday predictors always fail in their predictions because they fail to understand supply and demand. When oil is cheap people utilize it. As more people utilize oil, the demand for it increases, supply in the market decreases, and the price of this commodity goes up. The increase in price motivates oil companies to search for more oil, since the increase in the price makes the quest for oil profitable. When additional oil is found, the supply increases, demand decreases, and prices decrease in the market.
This pattern of limited supply spurring a search for an increase in supplies will always ensure that we will never be destroyed nor run out of oil. Even if the supply of oil became incredibly low, the price of oil would increase to such a height that alternative fuels would become cheaper and adopted in the place of oil. We already see this occurring in the United States as public transportation vehicles switch to biofuel and natural gas.

The future is not dark; there is plenty of fuel to light up tomorrow. Do not believe the doomsday prophets; they have no idea what will happen and do not understand supply and demand.

we are all going to die - smaller

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Employer Needs to Pay for My Bikram Yoga

by Progressive Pete

My job is very stressful and has taken quite a toll on me. All day long, I have to jump around to help coworkers, turn in reports, and try to serve customers that are very angry and not appreciative of my hard work. After working 12 hour work days and 50 hour work weeks for a “40 hours a week job,” I started to develop some unhealthy  coping habits. Maybe it was because I was at my wit’s end, but I could not get enough of Little Caesar’s Pizza. Before anyone judges me, keep in mind that their crazy bread is crazy good; however, eating it several times a week was probably a crazy idea in retrospect. After a few too many pizza runs and trips to a wings restaurant with two letters and the number 3 in its name, I was kind of a physical wreck. Something needed to be done, so I went to my boss and demanded that the company take responsibility for their actions.

By creating a hostile work environment, my employer had forced me to consume too much pizza; therefore, it was their responsibility to make things right. They needed to make me skinny and pretty again. After all that they did to me, it was only fair that they concede to a few basic demands.

For starters, the tense environment has got to go, adjustments need to be made. This is not just a problem for me. Stress is found in almost every work environment. This is nothing new, but what I am suggesting is. The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) should take reasonable steps to regulate work stress, because it is not safe for me to be fat and stressed. It also hurts the love life; there are simply not enough chubby chasers out there to keep up with demand. OSHA should force all companies to implement stress reduction activities. Some progressive companies have already taken steps by installing vibrating chairs to provide a quick massage; however, since I have recently discovered eastern mysticism, it would be more culturally sensitive for me to receive acupuncture at work. Also, at least one hour should be set aside in the mid-morning for Tai Chi; after all, if one is to be productive, they need to have their chakras in alignment.

In order to lose the weight my employer placed upon me as a result of me eating too many pizzas, my company will have to take further steps to make amends. My diet is going to need to change; however, health food is not cheap. My company will obviously need to provide me with gift certificates to Rainbow Blossom Natural Food Markets, because this is the only place that provides the wild grass shakes I require to slim down. Working out is also essential to achieve my recovery. I have been told by my spiritual and meditation adviser that the best way to cleanse my body of the dangerous toxins is to exercise by conducting yoga poses in a room with a temperature of 103 degree for 90 minutes. Some people may believe that asking companies for all of these demands is a stretch, but these rooms do not heat themselves. They need cash to keep them burning.

Despite the reasonableness of my demands, some believe they are a bit much. My cruel critics criticize my care plan, but I disagree with their dissent, because if the government is able to require companies to provide health insurance for their full-time employees, then surely the government should be able to require stress reduction/correction acts to be performed by all employers as well. Companies need to realize if one of their employees wants something, it must be provided to them, no matter how much it costs. Employers must provide their employees with everything they might ever need. If the employers refuse, they should be brought before the United Nations and put on trial for human rights violations. There is no difference between forcing children to be soldiers and requiring employers to provide free Bikram Yoga, because both issues deal with forcing people to work in hazardous environments.

Heartless haters point out that someone must pay for all of these “perks.” To be honest, these naysayers do have a point. All of these additional benefits will increase the cost of services and products, which will be passed on to customers through higher prices. Some customers will pay the extra amount and have less money, while others will forgo the purchase. The loss of sales will force the company to either cut costs (a.k.a. fire people) or go out of business. All of this is true, but I do not care, because caring causes me to be stressed, and as my guru says, I should let go and let others pay.

 

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