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Mar 10

20th Issue New Voice For Politics

20th Issue New Voice For Politics

 

In this Issue

Kentucky to Reinstate Slavery with Right to Work Laws
Becoming a slave to the grind

I Ain’t Got No Body
Leasing one’s body from the government

Same Old Song & Dance: Bush & Clinton
One hit wonders keep releasing more albums

 

Dickens not protectedKentucky to Reinstate Slavery with Right to Work Laws

Progressive Pete

Do you enjoy being paid to work? Would you like to not work seven days a week? If you are sick, do you want to be able to rest at home? Unfortunately, all of these benefits are now going away in Kentucky. The Bluegrass state has decided to return to the 1700s and do away with all workers’ rights. At this moment, 10 counties have already embraced right to work laws. When anonymous government officials were asked what the ultimate goal was with the passage of right to work laws, they stated a return to slavery in the commonwealth by 2016.

A great deal of progress has already been made to bring back plantation life in Kentucky. In right to work counties, Kentucky workers are already being forced to work in sub-human conditions. Children will now have to work in the mines and beg on the streets. Poor houses and debtor prisons are being built as this article goes to press. Conservatives are on schedule to convert the entire Commonwealth into a Charles Dickens’ novel by Christmas 2015 in order to allow all citizens to reenact the Christmas Carol in their newly dilapidated homes. Already, great strives have been achieved in the converted counties. For example, only yesterday, a young orphan named Oliver was punished for having the gall to ask for more gruel.

No one should have to live in a world where they cannot have seconds of gruel. Unions are absolutely necessary. Without unions, bus drivers in Wisconsin would not have been able to make $100,000 a year. Non-union employees could never call off sick and then volunteer for overtime shifts. People cannot be expected to live with anything less than this.

Evil corporate overlords want to see their employees suffer. Without unions to protect employees, society would collapse, and the rich would eat even more babies. This is simply a matter of fact, just like global warming. If a person disagrees with this argument, they obviously hate science and cute, cuddly babies.

Amazingly, many have been brainwashed by cable news outlets to believe there is a downside to unions. Some people foolishly believe government employees being paid six figures may have something to do with state employee pensions going bankrupt. They suggest exorbitant benefits will result in higher taxes, school closings, and an overall negative impact on states economies. What poppycock; everyone knows nothing bad will happen if we raise taxes on everyone.

Furthermore, these racist, anti-union pinheads have had the chutzpah to point out that right to work does not prevent people from joining a union, and they are 100% correct. What it does is actually far worse; right to work allows employees to decide for themselves whether or not to join the union. This would be a horrible development, because giving people the right to think for themselves is always a bad idea. People need to be told what to do; otherwise, they might not do what is progressively correct. Workers should not think about what is best for them and their family; they should think of their union bosses who would neither have jobs nor be able to drive expensive cars if it were not for workers paying their union dues.

Equally amazing are the claims made by some buffoons that right to work laws would improve unions by forcing them to provide better services for their members in order to entice workers to join. Unfortunately, their judgment on this claim is far from sound. I only associate with people who are union members, and from personal experience, I can attest that work is not really the strong suit of most union bosses. They are much better at telling people to slow down, taking 3 hours for their lunch, and hiding in the bathroom for over an hour. Squashing, rather than demonstrating, initiative is where they truly shine.

Some might assert that the claims in this article are overly alarmist and a bit bombastic. They will even point out that 24 states have embraced right to work, and slavery has not returned. But I say, give it time. Also, just because some states are doing it, it does not mean other states should follow. If 24 states jumped off a bridge, should the other states follow?

 

not your incubatorI Ain’t Got No Body

David Roth

Who owns your body? It sounds like a simple enough question, and most people believe they own their own body and can do what they would like with it, but they are mistaken. In most countries, the government controls what a person can and cannot do with their body.

Almost every government believes they can mandate what goes into the bodies of its citizens. In the United States, conservative politicians believe people should not be allowed to consume marijuana, heroin, cocaine, and an assortment of other drugs. Progressive liberals disagree with the conservatives’ list of banned drugs. From their perspective, the list of items banned from the body should include tobacco, sugary drinks, and unpasteurized milk. At least with alcohol, after years of foolishness, both political groups agree that purchasing and consuming alcohol should be legal; unless, it is a dry county, Sunday, after midnight, the person is under 21, or the individual intends to operate a car.

In the related field of healthcare, progressives are also adamant about everyone receiving immunization shots, because this affects the health of others. Progressives firmly believe, when it comes to healthcare, an individual should never have the right to choose; unless, it is to have an abortion.

If a person tries to kill someone, including themselves, the government will put them in jail. In the minds of government officials, people are not allowed to harm other people; unless, the government orders them to kill. The government is allowed to draft any man they want and command them to kill another man. If a drafted person has the audacity to run away and disobey the government’s order to kill, the government can then kill the person for deserting.

The United States government and many other governments believe they own every one of their citizens’ physical bodies and can do whatever they want with those bodies. From the government’s perspective, citizens are simply leasing their bodies from the government, like a person would lease a car from a dealership. The car dealership retains ownership of the car, but if the leaser obeys the strict terms of the lease, they can use the car for a limited time. For example, a person who leases a car must make payments at regular intervals (i.e. taxes to the government) and follow terms of the lease (i.e. obey the law) if they want to continue driving the car. Drivers who do not comply with these requirements will have their car repossessed and impounded (i.e. go to jail).

Amazingly, many people do not have a problem with the government telling other people what to do with their bodies. Supporters of government coercion believe others should be corrected, because these ruffians are not acting in the “proper” manner, which just happens to be the way they are acting. These etiquette enforcers conclude everyone should behave like them, because they are wise and others are idiots.

Unfortunately, there are two major problems with people using the government to force people to live their lives in a specific way. First, there is no one perfect way for everyone to live their life. What is beneficial for one person may be harmful to another. Also, the government that can compel people to act in a conservative way today has the power to coerce people to use their bodies in a progressive way tomorrow. There would be significantly less strife, violations of the law, and displeasure with government if people were simply allowed to do what they want with their bodies as long as their actions did not bring harm to others.

 

Heart Clinton bushSame Old Song & Dance: Bush & Clinton

Ally Silver

Each summer, the same thing happens. The sun is in the air, the car windows are rolled down, and the radio is turned up as we drive down the road with our friends. Everything in the world seems to be wonderful when all of a sudden it happens; the most astounding melody transcends the airwaves and hits our eardrums in such a way that time stands still. We are captivated, unable to escape from the beauty of the moment, as we hear “the song of the summer”, the song that makes everything right in the world, fills our hearts with joy, and makes us want to cry.

For the next ten times the song is aired, it is still as beautiful, magic remains in the air, and our soul is transcended to another plane of eternal euphoria. This goes on for a few days, but after hearing the same song 100 times in one week, the gold starts to lose its glitter. After two weeks and 500 listens, listeners’ ears begin to bleed when they hear what used to be a dope melody.

This same pattern occurs every year like fall follows summer. At first, everyone is all About the Bass, but by the end, we are craving treble. Collectively, we hope and pray that when Chumbawamba Gets Knocked Down, they will not get back up again. Listeners yearn for rain, in order to steal Len’s Sunshine. By the end, we are in accord with Twisted Sister, “We’re Not Going to Take It Anymore.”

All pop songs, with the exception of Duran Duran’s music, have a very limited shelf life. At first, we are Hungry Like the Wolf for the song and worship it like a New Religion, but by the end we want our Chauffeur to drive us toward some distant land, like Rio, in order to never hear it again.

After a time, things get old. All party hosts agree, the most engaging and beguiling of dinner guests lose their charm when they fail to make a timely exit. Listening to the same stories and ideas from the same person becomes dull, uninteresting, and downright boorish over time.

In politics, there are two families who have crashed their political parties and refused to leave, the Bush and Clinton families. They continue to come to the same political party with the same old stale ideas, which have led to a never ending war and a dismal economy. They show no embarrassment by their clans’ actions; rather, they walk into the place with a sense of presumptive entitlement, as if they were the Queen of Sheba.

Neither family brings a new idea about how to improve the country. Instead, they both rehash the same message they had in the ‘90s; big government is the solution to everything. Bush blabbers on about common core leaving no child behind and the necessity of invading a number of countries, while Clinton claims a single-payer, universal, government-run health care scheme is the only way to help the sick. People have had enough of both families’ shenanigans and are leaving the political parties in droves because they do not want to attend a party with such abhorrent guests.

If people are going to attend either political party, new guests of honor need to be invited; Clintons and Bushes are not going to cut it. The argument they both put forth of a strong central government to control the lives of American citizens, because they cannot take care of themselves, is no longer going to fly. People want to have control over their own lives. They want new options.

People are not going to listen to the same old pop songs and politicians from the ‘90s. Right Said Fred and Aqua are not going to be making comebacks with their songs, I’m too Sexy and Barbie Girl. They had their moment, but the bands failed, because, after a while, their sound was found to be lacking. The Bushes and Clintons are in the same position now. They had their time and proved beyond a reasonable doubt that their ideas do not work. The Federal Government cannot take care of everyone. It is time for a different approach. A different guest who supports smaller government and personal liberty should be the guest of honor if voters are going to be enticed into turning out for the next political party.

 

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