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Mar 10

Kentucky to Reinstate Slavery with Right to Work Laws

Dickens not protectedKentucky to Reinstate Slavery with Right to Work Laws

Progressive Pete

Do you enjoy being paid to work? Would you like to not work seven days a week? If you are sick, do you want to be able to rest at home? Unfortunately, all of these benefits are now going away in Kentucky. The Bluegrass state has decided to return to the 1700s and do away with all workers’ rights. At this moment, 10 counties have already embraced right to work laws. When anonymous government officials were asked what the ultimate goal was with the passage of right to work laws, they stated a return to slavery in the commonwealth by 2016.

A great deal of progress has already been made to bring back plantation life in Kentucky. In right to work counties, Kentucky workers are already being forced to work in sub-human conditions. Children will now have to work in the mines and beg on the streets. Poor houses and debtor prisons are being built as this article goes to press. Conservatives are on schedule to convert the entire Commonwealth into a Charles Dickens’ novel by Christmas 2015 in order to allow all citizens to reenact the Christmas Carol in their newly dilapidated homes. Already, great strives have been achieved in the converted counties. For example, only yesterday, a young orphan named Oliver was punished for having the gall to ask for more gruel.

No one should have to live in a world where they cannot have seconds of gruel. Unions are absolutely necessary. Without unions, bus drivers in Wisconsin would not have been able to make $100,000 a year. Non-union employees could never call off sick and then volunteer for overtime shifts. People cannot be expected to live with anything less than this.

Evil corporate overlords want to see their employees suffer. Without unions to protect employees, society would collapse, and the rich would eat even more babies. This is simply a matter of fact, just like global warming. If a person disagrees with this argument, they obviously hate science and cute, cuddly babies.

Amazingly, many have been brainwashed by cable news outlets to believe there is a downside to unions. Some people foolishly believe government employees being paid six figures may have something to do with state employee pensions going bankrupt. They suggest exorbitant benefits will result in higher taxes, school closings, and an overall negative impact on states economies. What poppycock; everyone knows nothing bad will happen if we raise taxes on everyone.

Furthermore, these racist, anti-union pinheads have had the chutzpah to point out that right to work does not prevent people from joining a union, and they are 100% correct. What it does is actually far worse; right to work allows employees to decide for themselves whether or not to join the union. This would be a horrible development, because giving people the right to think for themselves is always a bad idea. People need to be told what to do; otherwise, they might not do what is progressively correct. Workers should not think about what is best for them and their family; they should think of their union bosses who would neither have jobs nor be able to drive expensive cars if it were not for workers paying their union dues.

Equally amazing are the claims made by some buffoons that right to work laws would improve unions by forcing them to provide better services for their members in order to entice workers to join. Unfortunately, their judgment on this claim is far from sound. I only associate with people who are union members, and from personal experience, I can attest that work is not really the strong suit of most union bosses. They are much better at telling people to slow down, taking 3 hours for their lunch, and hiding in the bathroom for over an hour. Squashing, rather than demonstrating, initiative is where they truly shine.

Some might assert that the claims in this article are overly alarmist and a bit bombastic. They will even point out that 24 states have embraced right to work, and slavery has not returned. But I say, give it time. Also, just because some states are doing it, it does not mean other states should follow. If 24 states jumped off a bridge, should the other states follow?

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