May 11

Close College Friend Says Hal Heiner is an Alien

111111 heiner scary 111111

Close College Friend Says Hal Heiner is an Alien

David Roth


Multimillionaire and Gubernatorial seeker Hal Heiner is an alien who abducted his close personal friend while attending the University of Louisville, according to former close personal friend and abductee.

Hal Heiner, former failed candidate for the Mayor of Louisville, has now been cast under a shadow of suspicion as allegations have arisen about his otherworldly origins and nefarious nighttime activities while at college.

A former college chum of Hal Heiner sent an unsolicited letter to New Voice For Politics last week. In this letter, the author explained how he was abducted by Hal Heiner while on a camping trip in a national forest. During his abduction, he was physically and mentally abused. Out of fear of further abuse from Hal Heiner, he has requested that his identify remain anonymous.

One fall evening Hal and this gentleman went camping. Hal led his friend deeper into the forest as the sun set. Around midnight, strange balls of light danced around in the night sky. These balls of light eventually coalesced above the author and bathed him in light. Without warning, a powerful beam of energy shot through his body and immobilized him. Right before he passed out, he saw Hal Heiner enter the light, his body transformed.

When he awoke, the author was by himself in a different part of the woods. His mind and body were in disarray: clothes were shredded, his body was sore, and he had no recollection of how he arrived at his current location. He walked several hours through the woods until he reached a road and collapsed from exhaustion. Eventually, a motorist came upon him and drove him to a local hospital.

At the hospital, this poor man discovered he had not been out in the woods for one night, as he had thought, but had been missing for 8 days. During an extensive physical examination, several odd things were discovered. He had rashes on his body and very small precision cuts that could not have been made by a human hand. For a week after the lost time, he experienced ringing in his ears and nosebleeds. However, the strangest finding occurred when an x-ray was taken at the base of his neck where a new scar had appeared after his disappearance. The x-ray revealed a small object. Surgery was conducted, and a small microchip was removed. When the microchip was viewed under magnification, two words could be read on it, Hal Heiner.

In an attempt to regain his memory, Hal Heiner’s former friend underwent regression hypnosis by a licensed professional. During this process, he regained memories of being tied down to a table with a bright light shining over his head. From time to time, the transformed Hal Heiner would come over to him and do horrible things with probes upon his body.

This individual does not want to be famous or have any attention upon him. He left Kentucky and is residing in Alaska to put the horrible event behind him.

While some might doubt the credibility of this poor victim’s story, the victim says proof of the story exists. “I kept the extracted microchip as a reminder of what fear and betrayal feels like. For more than two decades, the microchip has been in a lock box at a Kentucky bank.”

After the abduction, Hal Heiner called him and made violent threats against him at 3am in the morning. Hal Heiner was very upset with him, because he had told medical doctors that he was out camping with Hal Heiner, which linked him to the abduction. Hal Heiner was yelling so loudly over the phone it awoke the victim’s frightened parents.

The author said he did not originally want to come forward, but after months of allegations by a Paducah blogger, Adam Davids, he felt like he had no choice.

The victim is aware that some people will doubt a story from a person residing in another state who makes vague horrible accusations with only claims to evidence that no one has ever seen. If you are one of these people that is a good thing, because it means you are not gullible and actually engage in critical thinking. Politicians are not always honest. They should be viewed with suspicion, especially when their campaign happens to discover things which benefit them and hurt their opponent weeks before the election.

Unfortunately, many consumers of the “news” will believe anything that confirms their preexisting biases. Even after being told that this is a satirical article which is trying to encourage skepticism, some opponents of Hal Heiner will still believe he is an alien. All I can say to these people is that Matt Bevin is a time traveler who fought against the North in their war of aggression before traveling to the 21st century via his steam powered time machine.


If you wish to spread the joy and knowledge of New Voice For Politics, please share this article, encourage your friends to like the Facebook page, or add their email to the subscriber list for this free newsletter.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>