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Mar 21

Shopping Carts: The Scourge of Louisville

Shopping cart

Shopping Carts: The Scourge of Louisville

Progressive Pete

The Louisville Metro Council deals with only the most pressing issues in Kentucky’s largest metropolis. Many might believe the biggest issue would be the heroin epidemic, traffic gridlock, or even affordable housing, but all of these issues pale in comparison to the most momentous of maladies, shopping carts.

It has come to the attention of the Metro Council that many people are going to stores, loading shopping carts up with goods, and then taking the carts back to their abodes. To make matters worse, people are not returning the metal monstrosities to their stores of origin. Instead, carts have been abandoned across the Commonwealth, and the streets are now strewn with shopping carts.

There is only one way to resolve this shopping cart crisis, we need shopping cart lanes. If people had a way to safely transport their shopping carts down the road, people would no longer leave them throughout the city, because they would have an efficient way to transport their carts.

Shopping cart researchers and urban designers have known for years that shopping cart lanes are crucial to the flow and functioning of all major cities. The research speaks for itself. The majority of American adults use a shopping cart at least once a week. Most Americans use shopping carts more frequently than they use bikes. Think of all the people who have benefited from bike lanes, and then imagine how many more would live more fulfilling lives from being able to walk down the street with a full cart of groceries.

Every Louisvillian needs to storm city hall and demand that Mayor Fisher utilize the same courageous, progressive thinking he demonstrated when he closed car lanes to create bike lanes. Mayor Fisher was not dissuaded when others pointed out that there was no demand for bike lanes and traffic jams would worsen with less car lanes. We need that same courage from Mayor Fisher as he boldly creates shopping cart lanes for all.

TARC, the local public bus agency, should be praised for embracing the future of shopping cart lanes. They have already invested 10 million dollars of tax payers’ money to create mega carts. These super shopping carts will allow eight people to push 1 ton of food from the store to their homes.

In order to build the lanes, some roads will have to be redesigned for exclusive use by shopping carts and bikes. Unfortunately, despite the obvious need, we cannot have all roads be solely reserved for bikes and shopping carts, because some people are still using the technology of the past to motor around. Since most people are selfish and refuse to bike 20 miles to work, a few roads will have to remain for cars. In order to have shopping cart access alongside the car roads, eminent domain will have to be utilized for the greater good. Houses will have to be seized by the government, demolished, and paved over for shopping carts.

Editor’s Note: In the next issue, we will talk about the lack of affordable housing in Louisville.

 

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